Discussing Difficult Topics: Plural Marriage

Andrew H. Hedges, Rachel Cope, Gerrit J. Dirkmaat, and Thomas A. Wayment

Andrew H. Hedges, Rachel Cope, Gerrit J. Dirkmaat, and Thomas A. Wayment, "Discussing Difficult Topics: Plural Marriage," Religious Educator 17, no. 1 (2016): 10鈥21.

Andrew H. Hedges (andrew_hedges@byu.edu) was an associate professor of Church history and doctrine when this article was published.

Rachel Cope (rachel_cope@byu.edu) and Gerrit J. Dirkmaat (gerrit_dirkmaat@byu.edu) were assistant professors of Church history and doctrine when this article was published.

Thomas A. Wayment (thomas_wayment@byu.edu) was a professor of ancient scripture at BYU when this article was published.

Editor鈥檚 Note: This interview was held to discuss two recent essays on plural marriage posted at https://www.lds.org/topics/plural-marriage-in-kirtland-and-nauvoo?lang=eng and https://www.lds.org/topics/plural-marriage-and-families-in-early-utah?lang=eng.

Thomas A. WaymentThomas A. Wayment, discussion moderator.

Wayment: Could you share a general background of the two polygamy essays and what intent is behind them? Of course, you鈥檙e not offering an official Church position, but what do you feel the essays are meant to address?

Hedges: As I understand it, these essays were written to help the general membership of the Church understand some of the reasons for the institution of plural marriage and also to explain how it worked, both in the beginning in Kirtland and Nauvoo and later on in Utah. And in the process of discussing how it worked, these essays are intended to answer some of the very sensitive and inflammatory questions that are out there, especially about Joseph Smith鈥檚 involvement. People have so many questions about when it began, who was involved, how many were involved, the ages of the women, and polyandry. So those issues are addressed as the first essay proceeds.

Dirkmaat: And these are part of a series of essays on gospel topics, so this is not just a random attempt at an essay on polygamy. There鈥檚 a context. And so there are other issues that are being addressed that, for a long time, had few readily available sources for those who were confronted with questions鈥攆or example, the translation of the Book of Mormon. This is something about which antagonists of the Church have, for years, been the primary purveyors of detailed information. So, if an average member of the Church is confronted with a statement like 鈥淵ou know Joe Smith used a rock and a hat to translate the Book of Mormon!鈥 and that鈥檚 something this Church member has never heard before, his or her natural inclination is to go try to search. Hopefully, of course, the first place this person would want to go is to lds.org. But until now, if this member would have gone and searched there, he or she might not have found anything or, at the very most, wouldn鈥檛 have found anything very detailed.

So, I think in part, the whole range of these essays is attempting to provide a safe, well-researched explanation to some of these generally historical issues that are being used by enemies of the Church to destroy peoples鈥 testimonies. They span all kinds of topics鈥攆rom violence in early Utah and the Mountain Meadows Massacre to blacks and the priesthood.

Group PictureFrom left to right: Thom Wayment, Rachel Cope, Andy Hedges, and Gerrit Dirkmaat.

Wayment: Rachel, we talked about how these essays are addressing kind of a growing need for information. What would you say is the key need being addressed by these essays?

Cope: I think they focus on plural marriage in Kirtland and Nauvoo because Church members want to know how, when, and where these practices originated. From my experience, those are the details that students at BYU, and Church members in general, tend to have the most questions about. They want to understand Joseph Smith鈥檚 involvement in polygamy.

Wayment: The Joseph Smith period.

Cope: Exactly. They all know that Brigham Young practiced polygamy. They鈥檙e comfortable with that because it鈥檚 familiar to them. But a lot of people haven鈥檛 always known about, and few talk about, Joseph Smith鈥檚 involvement. Therefore, that is the area that seems to shake people. It鈥檚 the lack of familiarity that鈥檚 the main problem. When people hear a reference to polygamy in the Joseph Smith period, they try to find answers. Often, they read things from unreliable or antagonistic sources. So these statements are an attempt to put polygamy in context鈥攖o give church members some understanding of the earliest days of the practice.

Dirkmaat: This topic can be very controversial. When you read the statistic that in 1857 nearly half of the members of the Church had participated in polygamy in one form or another, that鈥檚 a far cry from what we often hear: 鈥淏arely 1 or 2 percent.鈥 Historically, there鈥檚 been an attempt to minimize the level to which plural marriage was practiced, and I think that there are all kinds of reasons behind that. But the problem is that it communicates the message, 鈥淭his is something that was wrong, and because it was wrong, we didn鈥檛 do it very much.鈥

Often when we talk about polygamy, the intent is to minimize it. Unfortunately, this type of explanation also implicitly minimizes the numbers: 鈥淲ell, they didn鈥檛 do it very much.鈥 But these new essays debunk a lot of those myths or at least help people reevaluate them.

Wayment: So does this essay also discuss the issue of plural marriages continuing even after the 1890 Manifesto from President Wilford Woodruff that banned them?

Cope: Yes. The ending of plural marriage was a process, rather than a single event. I think the essay addresses post-Manifesto plural marriages. It is providing context so that Church members understand that Wilford Woodruff didn鈥檛 issue the Manifesto in 1890 and then plural marriage was over and that was it. It鈥檚 far more complicated, so knowing that story is important.

Wayment: So, you all teach Doctrine and Covenants and Church history through the Nauvoo period and maybe even into the early Mormon period, and you have students who are wrestling with questions about polygamy. How are these essays being integrated into curriculum?

Dirkmaat: So as far as integration into a curriculum, I think that these essays are being utilized by the various institutions that are creating the Foundations of the Restoration course, so that will affect both the Seminaries and Institutes and the Church schools.

Wayment: So these essays would be foundational documents?

Dirkmaat: They would at least be a part of lessons. I don鈥檛 know whether or not every student would be required to read them, but I think that they are things that can be referred to, and an instructor would at least become familiar with the essays to better address questions. I can say that I think they will be more integrated as time goes on, given the fact that they鈥檙e on the Church鈥檚 website.

Wayment: Would it be ideal that every BYU student at some point will encounter these essays or at least know of their existence?

Dirkmaat: Definitely. And not just the ones on plural marriage, but on all gospel topics. In the world today, the primary form of anti-Mormon attacks is not theological in nature鈥攊t鈥檚 鈥済otcha鈥 anti-Mormonism. It is to tell a member of the Church something that is 鈥渢rue鈥 but placed in a negative context, that they think they should鈥檝e known because they鈥檝e gone on a mission, because they鈥檙e a BYU student or so forth, but that they鈥檝e never heard before. When you鈥檙e in a position where someone is telling you something that you鈥檝e never heard before, they have all of the moral high ground because you have no idea. Again, with the example about the translation of the Book of Mormon, the other person talks about Joseph Smith 鈥減utting a rock in his magic hat.鈥 They get to set the terms of that context and create the initial impression鈥攚hich is a very negative impression. And then they get to ask the follow-up question, which is the real killer: 鈥淲hy has the Church been hiding this from you? What else is the Church lying to you about?鈥 It鈥檚 a 鈥済otcha鈥 setup. But having exposure to these essays can eliminate that 鈥済otcha鈥 factor and can really change the conversation. Most people who are presenting these antagonistic things have no depth of knowledge themselves; they just read the fact off a blog two hours before they started talking to you about it. And so when they come to you and say, 鈥淛oseph Smith practiced plural marriage,鈥 the response can now be, 鈥淵es, I learned about that in my BYU religion class,鈥 or, 鈥淚 learned about that in church,鈥 or, 鈥淚 learned about that on lds.org.鈥 Now, the other person doesn鈥檛 really have much further to go.

Rachel Cope, Andy Hedges, and Gerrit Dirkmaat.Rachel Cope, Andy Hedges, and Gerrit Dirkmaat.

Hedges: That鈥檚 the larger benefit. These essays present information that will be new to many people right now, but that will become 鈥渙ld hat鈥 as the years go by.

Dirkmaat: We found documents related to polygamy while we were working on The Joseph Smith Papers: Journals, Volume 2.

Hedges: That this information is out there now, that its available, that it鈥檚 officially from the Church鈥攖hat is the big benefit. And it gets rid of the question, 鈥淲hat is the Church hiding from us?鈥 The fact that the topic is being talked about erases the credibility gap. I鈥檝e found that in many cases, it鈥檚 not the information itself that shakes Church members鈥攊t鈥檚 not knowing about the information.

Dirkmaat: I love being able to tell my students to go do a search on lds.org and type in polygamy. I love that these essays are the first things that are going to come up. And if the number-one search result is these essays, how could we think the Church is deliberately trying to hide its past? If you go to lds.org and you type in polygamy, you type in the Book of Mormon translation, you type in Mountain Meadows Massacre, these essays are going to be the very first search result. So anyone trying to find information from the Church on the Church鈥檚 website is going to find it.

Wayment: Rachel, you鈥檙e teaching about this issue as a woman. Can you share any insights that might be different? With polygamy discussions, women might hear different things. What would you say?

Cope: Yes, I think they do. It can be an especially difficult subject for female students. I鈥檓 not saying that it鈥檚 not difficult for men, but it鈥檚 a different kind of difficult. Many men approach the topic thinking, 鈥淭hat鈥檚 weird.鈥 But women think about the women involved and often place themselves in their shoes鈥攖hey recognize that being the person whose spouse is marrying different people is a very different experience. So they approach the topic of polygamy thinking, 鈥淚 don鈥檛 think I could share my husband.鈥 It is also important to recognize that the polygamy discussion can sound and feel too familiar to bad experiences women have had鈥攂y that I mean negative experiences with men, particularly situations involving abuse. That complicates the topic for women even further. The subject matter can be extremely devastating to someone who has been hurt. That鈥檚 why I think having a female teacher is helpful to some students. When a woman is approaching the topic, many female students will think, 鈥淪he gets this, and my male teachers don鈥檛.鈥 Hearing from a woman who can talk through it and who can address the topic openly helps many struggling students develop at least some sense of trust. They want to hear from someone who is honest and who seems comfortable talking about the subject, while also acknowledging that the subject is uncomfortable, even if the answer is constantly, 鈥淚 don鈥檛 know.鈥 And 鈥淚 don鈥檛 know鈥 should be the most frequent answer when talking about polygamy.

It is important that students have opportunities to hear from someone who is female, someone who is a scholar, and someone who is a Church member who also doesn鈥檛 really like polygamy鈥攂ecause they can often relate to that person. I don鈥檛 like polygamy; there are things about it that I鈥檓 uncomfortable with, but I can still talk about it and have a testimony. I can think through it and be comfortable with how uncomfortable it can be, and seeing that makes a difference to students.

Obviously, not everyone is a female teacher. But everybody can be more sensitive, and we can all try to look at the subject matter from various perspectives. I think reading female accounts helps, as does sharing female accounts with students. When you read the words penned by a woman who entered a plural marriage鈥攕uch as an account that declares that she will never be looked upon as a decent woman by all of her family and friends, ever again鈥攖hings are put into a different perspective. The reader realizes that making this difficult decision was, for many women, a sacrifice and an expression of faith. While that realization cannot take all of the sting away, it does highlight the importance of seeing the nuance woven throughout the human experience.

It is also important that teachers are not afraid of students鈥 questions. When questions are asked, the teacher should never dismiss them. I don鈥檛 dismiss anything, even if somebody鈥檚 asking a question that doesn鈥檛 really fit the discussion. You can鈥檛 dismiss it.

Dirkmaat: She really hits on an important aspect of this. The fact is that when people attempt to minimize polygamy, what they鈥檙e dismissing is the faith of the women who were practicing it. I always make my students read several affidavits of some of the women who practiced it. For example, Lucy Walker Kimball鈥檚 account from 1902 is a perfect account because she talks about how she felt when she first heard about it.[1] She was revolted by the idea. Everything she鈥檇 ever been taught was that polygamy is wrong, that monogamy is right, and that鈥檚 the same reaction your students have. They live in the same culture, where everything they鈥檝e been told is that polygamy is wrong and monogamy is right. So now students are almost in the same place as Lucy Kimball. And then they read that she was told by Joseph Smith that she could obtain a testimony of it on her own. And so she went out and prayed, and then bore her testimony that the Lord manifested to her the truthfulness of the principle, and she never doubted it since.

Students can learn from this. She had a negative reaction, but God manifested to her, through the power of revelation, the truthfulness of that principle. And so, as a student, I can still have a lack of understanding about polygamy. I might still not fully understand, or I might say to myself that I just don鈥檛 think I could ever do that. But here鈥檚 what I can鈥檛 do: I can鈥檛 say Lucy Kimball didn鈥檛 have God tell her that. We have to be careful that we don鈥檛, in our attempt to not talk about something that鈥檚 difficult for us, deny the faith of the people involved in this.

Cope: I have noticed that many women in the Church, whether they鈥檙e eighteen or eighty, have the same concern, 鈥淒o I have to be able to accept polygamy or enter a plural marriage in order to go to the celestial kingdom?鈥 I personally think that it鈥檚 really important to help students recognize that such questions are a nonissue. You can鈥檛 go back in time and put yourself in a different context and worry about whether or not you can do what people in the past did. I should not be asking myself if I could sacrifice my son on an altar or decapitate someone. We can鈥檛 base our testimonies on whether or not we could personally do the things others were asked to do.

Dirkmaat: Because no one鈥檚 asking you to do that!

Cope: People from earlier times weren鈥檛 asked, 鈥淐an you refrain from looking at pornography on the Internet?鈥 That doesn鈥檛 fit their context. We鈥檒l be judged according to what we鈥檙e asked to do, and we don鈥檛 need to worry about past commandments and past trials, because we don鈥檛 live then. It鈥檚 irrelevant.

I remember a student coming to my office, my first semester as a faculty member. She had read a book about polygamy鈥攁 really good book. She felt that it was very helpful, but she said, 鈥淚 cried all the way through it.鈥 She seemed to be ashamed to admit that鈥攁s if she was worried that her tears were a reflection of a weak testimony. I simply responded, 鈥淪o did I.鈥 That changed everything. She was comfortable from that point on鈥攚e had a great discussion, and she was able to work through her concerns.

As teachers, we cannot assume that preserving faith requires avoiding genuine concerns and raw feelings. We do not need to wear a mask or ask others to do so鈥攚e don鈥檛 have to pretend that difficult subjects are not difficult. I don鈥檛 think that helps anyone. Of course we should not say things intentionally to challenge peoples鈥 faith, because things can be taken too far. I simply believe that having an open, honest, and, when appropriate, one-on-one discussion can make a huge difference.

When discussing sensitive issues with students, we need to see individual needs and recognize where they are coming from. For example, I can sometimes tell, from questions or comments that a certain student makes when we鈥檙e having this discussion in class, that I need to seek that person out so we can talk further. It鈥檚 important to be aware of individuals and to have follow-up discussions when needed.

Wayment: Excellent. So I have two more questions. You鈥檝e all spoken about a settling effect, that this feeling can help answer questions. As an analogy, I imagine going to a mechanic, and him walking in and saying, 鈥淵our transmission is bad.鈥 And I walk away settled, knowing that my car can be fixed, but I know I now have to deal with the fact that I need a new transmission. When I read these polygamy essays, I had the very same feeling: 鈥淲ell, I know it now, but how do I deal with that? Now I need to find a way to replace my transmission.鈥

Cope: Your question addresses exactly why these statements are important. If you require your students to read them, which I do, they come to class with a little bit of context and background. Then, you can teach them how to work through the things they don鈥檛 know, and in the process, teach them how to deal with ambiguity. Obviously, we cannot solve every question or address every single thing in these essays that relates to polygamy, because it鈥檚 far too complicated and messy. But we can have discussions, address questions and concerns, contextualize events further, and provide additional information that can really help students start to think through complicated circumstances. Having this kind of information and then having someone to help them think through it is extremely helpful, because it鈥檚 likely that nobody has ever taught them how to work through historical challenges before. We need to take advantage of the teaching opportunities these statements provide. We certainly should not assume that having students read the statements is enough. The gaps need to be filled in within the context of the classroom.

Hedges: This is the beginning of the discussion, not the end of the topic. I try to help them understand there鈥檚 a difference between our history and our doctrine. We鈥檙e studying history here, not necessarily doctrine in the sense that this applies to us today. I tell them flat out, 鈥淵ou probably don鈥檛 have a testimony of plural marriage like Lucy Walker does.鈥 And I say, 鈥淵ou鈥檙e probably not going to get one鈥攂ecause, of course, you gain a testimony of anything in the gospel by living it. You gain a testimony of tithing by paying tithing, and you gain a testimony of fasting by fasting. Don鈥檛 worry about it if you don鈥檛 feel calm and settled about it.鈥 And then I emphasize to them that they are in a position, however, to know that Joseph Smith was a prophet, and that he revealed, instituted, and practiced plural marriage as a prophet. And I do have that testimony, I tell them. Yes, I have a ton of questions about this. There鈥檚 a lot I don鈥檛 understand. But I do know that it was being directed by the Lord through a prophet, and that this was not a mistake. But by just giving them a little distance that way鈥攖hat we鈥檙e studying the past鈥攊t helps them navigate through some of their questions and personal feelings.

Thomas Wayment and Rachel Cope.Thomas Wayment and Rachel Cope.

Dirkmaat: Really, the primary weight when you鈥檙e talking about lifting the weight really is never having had a discussion about it before. When you talk to youth groups that are much younger than an educated BYU student, you find it鈥檚 the same thing.

The greatest weight is lifted by the fact that we are going to talk about it. As Rachel said, if you have issues, you鈥檙e probably still going to have issues. We鈥檙e not asking you to practice polygamy! We鈥檙e asking you that through faith, you accept Joseph Smith as prophet, you accept that he received this as a revelation. And we say to ourselves, like so many things, I鈥檓 not going to know the full reason why. I鈥檓 not going to fully understand the Resurrection. I鈥檓 not going to fully understand the Atonement. There are plenty of things that we just won鈥檛 fully understand, and we鈥檙e OK with that.

Wayment: The question I鈥檇 like to end on is a little trickier. If you had a chance, in a respectful way, to say, 鈥淗ere鈥檚 what the essays didn鈥檛 say that I wanted them to say,鈥 what would you mention?

Dirkmaat: I will say that it鈥檚 important for people to understand the limitations that are placed on a five- or six-page essay on a topic that could literally spawn thousands of books. People who read these essays, or teachers who are using them as they teach, need to be cognizant that certainly not every source on polygamy is in that essay. Were the essay fifty pages longer, it could be more nuanced in dealing with the things that it deals with. If it were two hundred pages, it could be even more so. But in order for it to be effective and usable at all, it has to be relatively brief. So the relative brevity that makes it useful is also what makes it limited in its scope. Anyone using any of these essays should be well aware that the scholarship that informed these essays, the thinking that informed these essays, could be much more expansive if it were a different format. Obviously they could have been broader, but then they wouldn鈥檛 have been as effective.

Cope: I think that shows the importance of the teacher being familiar with the subject matter beyond these essays. We need to be familiar with the scholarship on the topic so that when students come with questions, and they will, we鈥檙e able to address the issue. We should not be stuck thinking, 鈥淚 have no idea what you鈥檙e talking about. I鈥檝e never heard that.鈥 We need to be informed on both sides of the issue. We need to know what people are saying. We need to know what students are reading and encountering. We need to be able to address the various things that come up in the essays in a way that is historically informed as well as spiritually sensitive. Just bearing testimony isn鈥檛 going to answer some of the questions students have. We need to know the primary sources ourselves. We need to know the historiography as well.

Hedges: I would hope that every teacher who鈥檚 going to have his or her students read these essays would also have looked at the sources behind them. Look at Kathryn Daynes鈥檚 book More Wives Than One. Look at Brian Hales and his research. Look at what The Joseph Smith Papers have put out in bits and pieces. If a teacher has done his or her homework along these lines, he or she will be in a position to better answer those questions. Again, that鈥檚 why I say this is the beginning of a discussion, not the end. And part of it being the beginning of the discussion is having the teacher prepared beyond what鈥檚 here in the brief.

Cope: Whatever our training, whatever our academic background, we need to be familiar with historiography when we teach anything related to LDS history. Some of us might want to avoid books and articles whose conclusions or tone we disagree with. We need to remember that we don鈥檛 have to agree with everything we read. In fact, if you agree with everything you read, you鈥檙e doing something wrong. It is OK to think, 鈥淭hat source is completely off.鈥 But you still need to know what it says, so that if your student has a particular question, you can address it in an informed way. Students are perceptive. We don鈥檛 want them to be thinking, 鈥淥h, he鈥檚 afraid of this鈥 or, 鈥淪he doesn鈥檛 know what she鈥檚 talking about鈥 or, 鈥淪he鈥檚 never heard this before either.鈥 We need to know what鈥檚 been said so that we鈥檙e not perpetuating the idea that this is material the Church doesn鈥檛 talk about.

Notes

[1] Lucy Walker, affidavit dated December 17, 1902, MS 3423, Church History Library, Salt Lake City.